youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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