Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
