Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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