There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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