i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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