i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
