Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
