Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
