there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
