so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
