just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
