Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
