Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
