the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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