That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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