I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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