so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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