Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
