drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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