It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
