Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
