So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
