There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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