i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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