How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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