her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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