Swine flu. Run for my life!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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