Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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