i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
