Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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