You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
