I just made out with a guy for $7.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
