i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Drake has all the answers
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
