He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
