Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
