Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
