Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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