I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
