yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
