apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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