My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
