He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
