I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
