Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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