Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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