Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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