Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
