So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
