she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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