I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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