I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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