I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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