the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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