Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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