U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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