My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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